Hi God, It's Me, Shemeka

Did you ever read that book, Are you there God, It's Me Margaret? It's about a young girl named Margaret who has to move from the city to the suburbs and is going into sixth grade. Sixth grade is a hard grade and she has to make new friends. Throughout the story, Margaret talks to God. She tells him her innermost thoughts, wishes and desires. Her relationhip with Him is up close and personal. He is her very best friend.

I am talking to God.

Its been awhile but it feels good. I talk to him on a normal basis now, about my deicisions, my indecisiveness, my future, my past, my friends and family. Its cool. I think we forget how good it feels to have someone there at all times. I mean I am discovering what a sense of peace and ease I feel about life because I trust him to help me along the way. Of course, I still feel anxiety - I'm human. But whenever, I do its easier to turn to him and ask guidance and just let go. Asking God for peace is the most helpful thing I have ever done. I never felt more at ease with my life than I do right now.

If you are a believer, why do we doubt him? I guess because its in our very nature to be afraid because we are the ones who messed up in the first place. We messed up perfection. I believe as humans we are always waiting for the other shoe to drop. We are just waiting for God to be like, you never deserved this anyway and I am taking it all away. That is probably the most scary thing I have ever thought. Because I'm a believer. I know that I am never, ever going to be worthy of the love that Christ has shown me and no matter how I try I cannot never repay the debt that I owe. And we feel guilty when we mess up because he loves and blesses us anyway. And sometimes its not that we aren't trying but we know we could be doing better.

While, as my mother says,"I still ain't got it right," I know God is working with me. I know He is showing himself to me. The proof is in the post. How long has it taken me to reach a point where I can openly talk about my faith? I can be a fisher of men, just like he wants. He shows me miracles of people who were non-believers telling me that they are now Christians. And He blesses me - even though I don't deserve it. There are a million things that could be happening in my life right now. There are a million ways that I am determined to screw it up but God keeps it all on track in his timing. And even when bad things come, I have prayed for peace and He has calmed my spirit. I feel lucky.

I know some of you are thinking,"Shemeka, please don't get too deep on us." And to that I say, in the words of Ray Charles,"Oh, you give your hand to me, and then you say goodbye, and I watch you walk away, beside the lucky guy, oh but you will never, never know, the one who loves you so, oh you dont know me."