Blind Date Doom

An American Folly of Ultimate Proportions
One of the worst things created since the dawn of man

If anyone else can thing of a name for a blind date, please let me know.
Blind dates are for desperate people you might say. You might say, "Shemeka, darling, how did you end up here?" Let's not worry about the particulars, other than to say that I am NOT desperate and it was just a let's see how this thing goes kind of adventure.

The guy:
A friend of a friend's boyfriend who saw my picture on said friend's myspace when looking at said friend's boyfriend's myspace. Follow me so far? Name? Elijah. Occupation? Boat Boy(in the Navy).

The hook-up:
Met one night after bowling practice.

Sounds innocent and harmless enough, you say? What I also thought. We are both WRONG. Problems? His looks. Think back to middle school where it seemed every guy needed severe help in the looks department. Seems if Elijah never left this stage. First things first - teeth. If you know me, you know I have a thing about teeth. The boy needs braces. Immediately. You'd think with all those benefits you get in the Navy that someone would have informed him by now that getting his teeth fixed would be beneficial to his attempts to pick up women. Apparently not. Secondly, the "slighty sweaty as if I am always nervous and a little creepy" thing was a complete turn off. And DONT try to cover anything up by wearing too much cologne - it usually does not work. Finally, the glasses. But "Shemeka, don't you wear glasses," you might ask. Yes, and usually glasses are not a problem for me. Noone has 20/20 these days. However, you mean to tell me that the coke bottle glasses are still around; lenses so thick I think I can see the ex-planet pluto through them? Bad Bad Bad.

Sounds like I am being very superficial. What about this guy's personality? Lascivious people. You can tell that really under all that I want to be a gentleman BS that getting into my pants is goal number one here. Can't stand that - especially can't stand it from someone who has a snowball's chance in hell of getting there. Oh it was sad, laides and gentlemen. We decided to park and watch Lost:Season One on my portable DVD player. After telling him that I am not a touchy feely person (a lie, I know), he really did not keep his hands off me the entire time we sat there. He wanted to kiss my hand and give me a massage and rub his fingers on my arm. It was enough to make me want to puke. Then he tried to feel me up! I almost cold cocked him but we were on the naval base. I tried to make sure I ended it that night but I am almost sure he is not giving up hope. However, he is uninteresting AND he doesn't think Ben Stiller/Jim Carrey are funny. He hates musicals and thinks Denzel Washington is a terrible actor. I mean, Denzel might not be my fave but I know good acting when I see it. Bottom line, disaster. Not just the date but Elijah as a member of the human race.

Blind dates are for suckers and now I know better...... and knowing is half the battle.
For now I remain,
disgustedly yours,
Shemeka