So I have been thinking (a dangerous past time, I know) and I need others opinion on my most recent observation.
So recently, I just started watching the HBO series True Blood, wanting to check out the hype. And there is something going on besides vampires being "outted" in the world. Going in my list of things I am just getting tired of seeing. Maybe it just me but I am tired of seeing negative images of my people as fodder for making the wheels run on series. How can we be satisfied with "well at least they have some black characters on the show" and "well that's pretty realistic." The hell if it is. I am not satisfied with the fact that there are three black main characters on this show and all of them are massively jacked up. Even the extras that appear on the show in Season 1 are jacked up. Since there is only one black man on the show, lets start there.
Lafeyette (played by the super fine Nelsan Ellis - can anybody get a sister his number?) is a gay drug dealer and short order cook. Are we serious? Someone would see the gay part as a huge big deal but if that was just it I actually wouldn't care. He's also a drug dealer. You mean the only image you could come up with for him is drug dealer. How original HBO. On the show, you can clearly tell that he is more intelligent and insightful than most other characters, but this is all downplayed by his sometimes queeny and b*tchy behavior.
The women are a mess and its hard to even cut through all the negativity to see any good. Tara, the main character's best friend, is an emotional wreck. Set up with a drunk mother (another black female on the show) who abuses her, she carries the emotional albatross so that she is incapable of being emotionally stable so spews out all kinds of nastiness to everyone around her. Of course, she is tragically in love with a white man she can never have and doesn't happen to mind being a little promiscuous w/ her boss because she is so lonely. The only other black woman to appear on the show so far since I have been watching has been an extra vampire who is clearly promiscuous and has a nasty attitude as well. And this is portrayed as "oh they are strong and intelligent, but clearly underneath they are vulnerable and feel pain." Well I am a little sick of it.
Don't tell me its because the story is set in backwoods Louisiana. Don't tell me that's how it is. When you are selling a fantasy show about vampires being out in the world, how real do you really need to keep it? Why couldn't the lead character have been a black girl who falls in love with the vampire? Why can't I at least get one positive image of a black woman on the show? Is it too much to ask for a black woman who is pleasant? Only the white girl can be sugar and spice and everything nice... ah tv writers, you have got to do me more justice than that. When are these stereotypes going to get old.....
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Friday, June 12, 2009
What Overweight is Not
See here's the biggest problem I have with big people. Other big girls are my reasoning for losing weight. Its not because they are big or unattractive, its because they are sloppy. I am a firm believer that you can be beautiful at any size and what presents a major problem to me is that there are those people (women in general) think that being overweight or big is an excuse to look a hot ass mess. This is definitely not the case. And this does not mean you have to be dressed to the nines or a super expensive wardrobe, it just means being kept up. For instance....
- Since when did it become attractive to have fat rolls? I am pretty sure that even back in the day, they had corsets just for this reason to present a more pleasing body shape. Now while I am not condoning crushing your rib cage as a means to look thin, I am condoning the wearing of a girdle to look shapely. A muffin top is not attractive and why in the heck aren't you wearing your pants and your waist line anyway.....
-For my brothers, just because you are big does not mean you have to confine yourself to the long tee and jeans look. Please go ahead and step your game back up and spend the extra dollars needed to dress yourself as a grown man. Long tee and jeans is for the children - if you are thirty and you think this is a going out look, please do not holla...
-Clothing designers: Have ya'll lost ya damn minds? Let's not even start why you give big women they tightest, flimsiest material but then you turn around a charge $60 dollars for the shirt like you actually used that much extra fabric. Let me put you on to something... we don't need for our clothes to cost a million dollars and one of these days soon Lane B and Ashley, I am gonna run yall out of business with sensible, affordable, and appealing clothing for the big girl.
-General Hygiene for the ladies and the fellas: its summer time. Lets all please start checking ourselves right at the front door and more than once a day. If you know you are going to be out in the heat, prepare. Lets not look all sweaty( = not attractive.) Have an earthy odor (= not attractive.) Not keep the hair, the nails, and general appearance kept up. (Men this includes hair edged up, beards trimmed, and dreds locked tight.)
For these reasons, I think it is why society finds it easier to shun people who are a bigger size. A line in a movie I recently watched said, "People care about people who care about themselves." And while it was used in a different context in the film, I do find a kernel of truth in this. Please don't whine and complain that you can't find any one if you are not doing what is required to attract a quality mate. And these are just some general observations of the world around me. Cuz if I see one more big girl with a huge muffin top, many fat rolls, and tight as hell clothing on and then thinking she is the ish I am really, really going to snap! Let's take better care of ourselves people. These are seriously the things that being overweight is not....
For now I remain - shapely, sensationally yours,
Queen S
- Since when did it become attractive to have fat rolls? I am pretty sure that even back in the day, they had corsets just for this reason to present a more pleasing body shape. Now while I am not condoning crushing your rib cage as a means to look thin, I am condoning the wearing of a girdle to look shapely. A muffin top is not attractive and why in the heck aren't you wearing your pants and your waist line anyway.....
-For my brothers, just because you are big does not mean you have to confine yourself to the long tee and jeans look. Please go ahead and step your game back up and spend the extra dollars needed to dress yourself as a grown man. Long tee and jeans is for the children - if you are thirty and you think this is a going out look, please do not holla...
-Clothing designers: Have ya'll lost ya damn minds? Let's not even start why you give big women they tightest, flimsiest material but then you turn around a charge $60 dollars for the shirt like you actually used that much extra fabric. Let me put you on to something... we don't need for our clothes to cost a million dollars and one of these days soon Lane B and Ashley, I am gonna run yall out of business with sensible, affordable, and appealing clothing for the big girl.
-General Hygiene for the ladies and the fellas: its summer time. Lets all please start checking ourselves right at the front door and more than once a day. If you know you are going to be out in the heat, prepare. Lets not look all sweaty( = not attractive.) Have an earthy odor (= not attractive.) Not keep the hair, the nails, and general appearance kept up. (Men this includes hair edged up, beards trimmed, and dreds locked tight.)
For these reasons, I think it is why society finds it easier to shun people who are a bigger size. A line in a movie I recently watched said, "People care about people who care about themselves." And while it was used in a different context in the film, I do find a kernel of truth in this. Please don't whine and complain that you can't find any one if you are not doing what is required to attract a quality mate. And these are just some general observations of the world around me. Cuz if I see one more big girl with a huge muffin top, many fat rolls, and tight as hell clothing on and then thinking she is the ish I am really, really going to snap! Let's take better care of ourselves people. These are seriously the things that being overweight is not....
For now I remain - shapely, sensationally yours,
Queen S
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Only in Real Life
Since when did I stop believing in fairy tales. I am not exactly sure but I know that real life has hit me like a brick because in the real world your dreams are always on the back burner - there always seems to be something a little more pressing in your life that needs to be taken care of. Because in fairy tales....
-Finding in a significant other is as simple as wishing for him/her and waiting to be rescued from being single
-if you are a hard working woman, you are rewarded with admiration and your enemies at the job are eventually squashed
-there is a benefactor out there waiting to reward you with your heart's desire, if only for a little while, for all the suffering you have put in over the years
-your parents might not understand at first but then come to accept and respect your choices
-happily ever after is certainly waiting for you at the end
In the real world, happily ever after is not so certain. Broken homes, broken marriages, broken relationships, broken finances are all hurdles that must be jumped over, kicked down, avoided, if at all possible, in order to find that ideal. But even if I stopped believing that I could live a fairy tale - I haven't stopped believe in "ever after" b/c if I did that - life would only be the hurdles with no reward and what's the sense of living for that?
-Finding in a significant other is as simple as wishing for him/her and waiting to be rescued from being single
-if you are a hard working woman, you are rewarded with admiration and your enemies at the job are eventually squashed
-there is a benefactor out there waiting to reward you with your heart's desire, if only for a little while, for all the suffering you have put in over the years
-your parents might not understand at first but then come to accept and respect your choices
-happily ever after is certainly waiting for you at the end
In the real world, happily ever after is not so certain. Broken homes, broken marriages, broken relationships, broken finances are all hurdles that must be jumped over, kicked down, avoided, if at all possible, in order to find that ideal. But even if I stopped believing that I could live a fairy tale - I haven't stopped believe in "ever after" b/c if I did that - life would only be the hurdles with no reward and what's the sense of living for that?
Monday, June 01, 2009
When It Rains...
We all know the ending to that statement. It seems like any time something bad happens to you, then it happens ALOT. Noone came up with the saying, "When it's sunny, it's hot.." or something like that. It has to do with negativity. So what's my negativity? Its relationship negativity; The current men in my life. When it rains it pours....
Back last year, I decided to try online dating. I had an ad it seemed on every dating site out there from eharmony.com to chemistry.com to adventistsingles even to craigslist! I did not meet a lot of nice guys or get many dates but no big deal. I did meet, as we are going to call him, Muscles. Muscles has the build of a bodybuilder, an old-school Arnold Schwarzenegger. Big just like I like 'em. And he was sweeet and nice. We talked for months online and then finally met in October and began sort of casually dating. Things seemed to be going ok but there some mishaps here and there with regards to communcation that caused me to decide we needed to bring our dating to a close. He was slipping up to early for me to keep him around. So its been since November and then a couple of weeks ago - he starts emailing me from Iraq. Muscles is in the Navy. And its been a daily stream of emails and pics and all sorts of foolishness. He will be back early August.....
I've known Eyes, as we will call him, since middle school. I have been head over hills for those beautiful hazel eyes since I first saw him. Even though back then as a gangly gangsta wigga teen, he had the thickest coke bottle glasses you had ever seen and all the girls called him ugly. I saw beyond it. Saw what he could be - how he could look with just a little time and effort. He had a cockiness and self-assuredness that was so attractive. Since that time, our relationship has been on-again, off-again - friends or the kind with benefits - and eventually dating for a month in November 2007 until Dec. 2007. After breaking up, we went back to being friends. He left to pursue his undergraduate degree out in Kansas in May 08 without a kiss goodbye. The problems - our relationship has changed a great deal but he is still a selfish lover in more ways than in the bedroom. He has a dependency on the women in his life that he won't admit. He expects more than he is willing to give of himself. I hadn't hear from in a year since he left for school, and he called me last night.....
Everyone needs a little bit of bad boy in their life and Cali was mine. Rarely could I tell all the truth from the lies so its hard to tell you our story. We met randomly in 2005 while I was visiting a friend at his job at the mall. Since then its been a dramatic, emotional, on-again-off-again, tumultuous chaos. But noone has ever made me feel as cherished and loved as he. He always knew the real me and loved every part of just who I was. His love was addictive cuz you could look in his eyes and see noone else but you, feel his love in his voice with his arms wrapped around you (even if you were really one of two.) Too many problems in the relationship to recount but we parted ways for the last time in February of this year. My phone rang this morning as I was walking out of my door.....
My motto is they are exes for a reason.(or multiples reasons sometimes lol) So what to do? I think the real problem is I think I can be friends with everyone or my exes in particular. Like with the instance of Eyes, I could never see myself not talking to him again - we are friends. How to keep it from developing into something more? How to keep them all on the back burner cuz I don't really want any of them in particular, except Muscles maybe - he really is sweet. Somebody grab me an umbrella, a poncho, and a rescue boat cuz it looks like its getting ready to storm.
Back last year, I decided to try online dating. I had an ad it seemed on every dating site out there from eharmony.com to chemistry.com to adventistsingles even to craigslist! I did not meet a lot of nice guys or get many dates but no big deal. I did meet, as we are going to call him, Muscles. Muscles has the build of a bodybuilder, an old-school Arnold Schwarzenegger. Big just like I like 'em. And he was sweeet and nice. We talked for months online and then finally met in October and began sort of casually dating. Things seemed to be going ok but there some mishaps here and there with regards to communcation that caused me to decide we needed to bring our dating to a close. He was slipping up to early for me to keep him around. So its been since November and then a couple of weeks ago - he starts emailing me from Iraq. Muscles is in the Navy. And its been a daily stream of emails and pics and all sorts of foolishness. He will be back early August.....
I've known Eyes, as we will call him, since middle school. I have been head over hills for those beautiful hazel eyes since I first saw him. Even though back then as a gangly gangsta wigga teen, he had the thickest coke bottle glasses you had ever seen and all the girls called him ugly. I saw beyond it. Saw what he could be - how he could look with just a little time and effort. He had a cockiness and self-assuredness that was so attractive. Since that time, our relationship has been on-again, off-again - friends or the kind with benefits - and eventually dating for a month in November 2007 until Dec. 2007. After breaking up, we went back to being friends. He left to pursue his undergraduate degree out in Kansas in May 08 without a kiss goodbye. The problems - our relationship has changed a great deal but he is still a selfish lover in more ways than in the bedroom. He has a dependency on the women in his life that he won't admit. He expects more than he is willing to give of himself. I hadn't hear from in a year since he left for school, and he called me last night.....
Everyone needs a little bit of bad boy in their life and Cali was mine. Rarely could I tell all the truth from the lies so its hard to tell you our story. We met randomly in 2005 while I was visiting a friend at his job at the mall. Since then its been a dramatic, emotional, on-again-off-again, tumultuous chaos. But noone has ever made me feel as cherished and loved as he. He always knew the real me and loved every part of just who I was. His love was addictive cuz you could look in his eyes and see noone else but you, feel his love in his voice with his arms wrapped around you (even if you were really one of two.) Too many problems in the relationship to recount but we parted ways for the last time in February of this year. My phone rang this morning as I was walking out of my door.....
My motto is they are exes for a reason.(or multiples reasons sometimes lol) So what to do? I think the real problem is I think I can be friends with everyone or my exes in particular. Like with the instance of Eyes, I could never see myself not talking to him again - we are friends. How to keep it from developing into something more? How to keep them all on the back burner cuz I don't really want any of them in particular, except Muscles maybe - he really is sweet. Somebody grab me an umbrella, a poncho, and a rescue boat cuz it looks like its getting ready to storm.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Not Special!
A repost for Sexy Thought.... but it needed to be said - AMEN!
anyway, i told him i had my own little opinion about relationships:
black men are becoming increasingly demanding without even offering half of what they should in return.
yes, i said it. cause i feel like i've been witnessing men wanting a woman to do this that and the other and they aren't even great providers or people you can depend on or even giving basic minimums. n-words with no jobs and a rack of kids act like they should be catered to. stingy men think the world should revolve around them. men want to be black women's everything barely giving anything to become that everything.
I also have some news for you black men (i'm speaking to yall cause i don' t really know about other men).
Stop thinking you are special or should be treated special for doing ordinary shit or doing the shit you are supposed to do!
honestly:
if you have a job:
you are NOT special. Most of us have jobs. we get jobs, keep jobs or at least look for jobs. this does not make you anybody, it makes you everybody. getting a job is what you are supposed to do. who else will get one for you?
if you pay your bills:
you are NOT special. Most of us pay our bills. we complain about it, but we know we have no choice but to do it. its a responsibility. it is what happens when you become an adult. paying your bills is what you are are supposed to do! its not optional. do you expect someone else to pay your bills for you?
if you went to college:
you are NOT special. Most of us aspire to go to college, have been to college, have completed college or have gone past college. going to school is what you should want to do not what you should be rewarded for doing!
if you have good credit:
this might make you special. but its still what you are supposed to do!
if you have children and take care of them:
you are NOT special. When you have sex, you do so with the full knowledge that it might lead to conception. The birth of a child obliges you to take care of and nuture that child during their time here on earth. If you provide for that child, it is your responsibility. taking care of your children is something you are obliged to do!
if you treat me right:
you are NOT special. Labelling our relationship, being my better half, being reliable, being faithful, being nice, caring, understanding and loving, that shit is what men are SUPPOSED to do. if you compare yourself to no good n-words and thing that you deserve cookies for that, you need to aim higher. cause treating me right is what you should do!
sorry i got all passionate about this, but i just think people need to know. women need to stop acting like they are being done a favor by men dating them. neither of you are doing each other a favor. you both bring something to the table. and when men don't bring something to the table and women feel like they can't do better. that's even worse.cause you both need to bring something to the table. don't fool yourself or anyone else into thinking that bring the above puts you on a pedastal. these are things you are supposed to at least try to bring to the table. We have to start expecting more of ourselves and more of others.
okay...don't with the preaching.
anyway, i told him i had my own little opinion about relationships:
black men are becoming increasingly demanding without even offering half of what they should in return.
yes, i said it. cause i feel like i've been witnessing men wanting a woman to do this that and the other and they aren't even great providers or people you can depend on or even giving basic minimums. n-words with no jobs and a rack of kids act like they should be catered to. stingy men think the world should revolve around them. men want to be black women's everything barely giving anything to become that everything.
I also have some news for you black men (i'm speaking to yall cause i don' t really know about other men).
Stop thinking you are special or should be treated special for doing ordinary shit or doing the shit you are supposed to do!
honestly:
if you have a job:
you are NOT special. Most of us have jobs. we get jobs, keep jobs or at least look for jobs. this does not make you anybody, it makes you everybody. getting a job is what you are supposed to do. who else will get one for you?
if you pay your bills:
you are NOT special. Most of us pay our bills. we complain about it, but we know we have no choice but to do it. its a responsibility. it is what happens when you become an adult. paying your bills is what you are are supposed to do! its not optional. do you expect someone else to pay your bills for you?
if you went to college:
you are NOT special. Most of us aspire to go to college, have been to college, have completed college or have gone past college. going to school is what you should want to do not what you should be rewarded for doing!
if you have good credit:
this might make you special. but its still what you are supposed to do!
if you have children and take care of them:
you are NOT special. When you have sex, you do so with the full knowledge that it might lead to conception. The birth of a child obliges you to take care of and nuture that child during their time here on earth. If you provide for that child, it is your responsibility. taking care of your children is something you are obliged to do!
if you treat me right:
you are NOT special. Labelling our relationship, being my better half, being reliable, being faithful, being nice, caring, understanding and loving, that shit is what men are SUPPOSED to do. if you compare yourself to no good n-words and thing that you deserve cookies for that, you need to aim higher. cause treating me right is what you should do!
sorry i got all passionate about this, but i just think people need to know. women need to stop acting like they are being done a favor by men dating them. neither of you are doing each other a favor. you both bring something to the table. and when men don't bring something to the table and women feel like they can't do better. that's even worse.cause you both need to bring something to the table. don't fool yourself or anyone else into thinking that bring the above puts you on a pedastal. these are things you are supposed to at least try to bring to the table. We have to start expecting more of ourselves and more of others.
okay...don't with the preaching.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
ANTM
Just in case you don't know the acronym that stands for America's Next Top Model. And I am happy that Teyonna won last night even though I was rooting for Aminat. I am so glad that Allison did not win! Tyra needs to get over this little strange/oddity look obsession cuz weird ain't always pretty. But speaking of ANTM check out the latest - yea I gotta say I am looking FIERCE!
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
if I won the lottery
so here's what I would do if I won the lottery - what about YOU?
-tithe the money of course to my church and conference
-pay off my parent's home, renovate it, and by them a new home here in VA, one in ATL, and one in San Antonio, TX
-buy my dad the truck he's always wanted and a new car for my mom
-buy my grandmother a new house with a huge kitchen and den and play room
-pay for my sister's grad school, and my brother's undergrad
-still invest a million
-put aside some money to take care of other family incidentals
-give money to the College of William and Mary for a new performing arts center/music building
-travel the world and take my closest friends with me
-buy an aston martin
-stay in the penthouse suite of a hotel
-and then split the rest with my friends! so we could all be rich:-D
-tithe the money of course to my church and conference
-pay off my parent's home, renovate it, and by them a new home here in VA, one in ATL, and one in San Antonio, TX
-buy my dad the truck he's always wanted and a new car for my mom
-buy my grandmother a new house with a huge kitchen and den and play room
-pay for my sister's grad school, and my brother's undergrad
-still invest a million
-put aside some money to take care of other family incidentals
-give money to the College of William and Mary for a new performing arts center/music building
-travel the world and take my closest friends with me
-buy an aston martin
-stay in the penthouse suite of a hotel
-and then split the rest with my friends! so we could all be rich:-D
The Final Frontier
So here's the question: Why is the jealousy still there? Why when I see a black man with a white woman do I stil get mad and a little upset?
Its not that I wouldn't date a white man and I don't want brothers to be happy but I just don't understand it sometimes. And it seems to be inherent, like something I cannot control.
I personally, contrary to popular belief about me, would rather date a black man. I am more attracted to them and I am into supporting the brothers. However, with the current state of affairs, I am not opposed to dating outside my race.
So really I want some comments on my first question - why am I upset seeing a black man with a white woman AND why does you believe (cuz this assumption comes from my friends) that I would rather date a white guy?
Its not that I wouldn't date a white man and I don't want brothers to be happy but I just don't understand it sometimes. And it seems to be inherent, like something I cannot control.
I personally, contrary to popular belief about me, would rather date a black man. I am more attracted to them and I am into supporting the brothers. However, with the current state of affairs, I am not opposed to dating outside my race.
So really I want some comments on my first question - why am I upset seeing a black man with a white woman AND why does you believe (cuz this assumption comes from my friends) that I would rather date a white guy?
Monday, May 04, 2009
Green Light...
and I'm ready to go! I am up feeling good - Thank you Lord that it is summer time and I don't have class to go to. While that doesn't mean I can just laze about, it does feel good not to have to go to class. I am on a John Legend tip. Ready to go, right now! So on the agenda today is some house cleaning and laundry.
Thoughts for today:
1. Why do I absolutely love the song Don't Make Me Over by Sybil?
2. Most played song on my iTunes - Can You Believe by Robin Thicke
3. I really can't wait to see the movie Wolverine!
4. I have a case of the ex.
Thoughts for today:
1. Why do I absolutely love the song Don't Make Me Over by Sybil?
2. Most played song on my iTunes - Can You Believe by Robin Thicke
3. I really can't wait to see the movie Wolverine!
4. I have a case of the ex.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Wrap Up
OK so I have been trying to be on the good tip lately - praise HIM that he has been keeping me from falling off and hopefully helping me to move closer to him - BUT I am putting myself on front street again. So I emailed/texted an ex-whatever and told him what was up and how I was feeling. He clearly wanted to handle my problem lickety split. But here's where it gets ridiculous. Are you trying to tell me that I gotta provide the condoms now? are we serious?! this MF had the nerve to come up with some lame excuse as to why he can't stop by the store and pick the rubbers up and we all know its not going down without any protection.
But is this the level of shdayness men have come to - and really by shady I mean lazy as hell - shit I was given the goods away for a change, not even going to make you do any real work for it and you couldn't come up with like four dollars to get the latex. Pissed me the hell off and killed the damn mood. The reasons why I only let you hit it once and the reasons I have refused your subsequent advances have come back to me - you ain't about ish, even in the bedroom and that's a damn shame.
But is this the level of shdayness men have come to - and really by shady I mean lazy as hell - shit I was given the goods away for a change, not even going to make you do any real work for it and you couldn't come up with like four dollars to get the latex. Pissed me the hell off and killed the damn mood. The reasons why I only let you hit it once and the reasons I have refused your subsequent advances have come back to me - you ain't about ish, even in the bedroom and that's a damn shame.
Monday, April 27, 2009
a little addicted
so right now - I am putting myself on front street - not that it matters cuz I don't think anyone but cyber space will see this. I have destructive tendencies and behaviors - when I hit rock bottom - when I feel really down, what do I really want very deep down? I want sex - mind numbing, ridiculous, delicious sex and to just check out in a fantasy for a little while. just something to take the edge off - destress a little bit, makes me feel good. doesn't that sound like a drug to you... sounds like one to me... but it would be so good to just lose myself in someone arms just for a little while..... and the alone time is not going to cut it - i need that skin to skin, touching contact of being consumed by someone else.... ahhhhh so good.... well unless you know any takers i guess its back to studying.
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