When It Rains...

We all know the ending to that statement. It seems like any time something bad happens to you, then it happens ALOT. Noone came up with the saying, "When it's sunny, it's hot.." or something like that. It has to do with negativity. So what's my negativity? Its relationship negativity; The current men in my life. When it rains it pours....

Back last year, I decided to try online dating. I had an ad it seemed on every dating site out there from eharmony.com to chemistry.com to adventistsingles even to craigslist! I did not meet a lot of nice guys or get many dates but no big deal. I did meet, as we are going to call him, Muscles. Muscles has the build of a bodybuilder, an old-school Arnold Schwarzenegger. Big just like I like 'em. And he was sweeet and nice. We talked for months online and then finally met in October and began sort of casually dating. Things seemed to be going ok but there some mishaps here and there with regards to communcation that caused me to decide we needed to bring our dating to a close. He was slipping up to early for me to keep him around. So its been since November and then a couple of weeks ago - he starts emailing me from Iraq. Muscles is in the Navy. And its been a daily stream of emails and pics and all sorts of foolishness. He will be back early August.....

I've known Eyes, as we will call him, since middle school. I have been head over hills for those beautiful hazel eyes since I first saw him. Even though back then as a gangly gangsta wigga teen, he had the thickest coke bottle glasses you had ever seen and all the girls called him ugly. I saw beyond it. Saw what he could be - how he could look with just a little time and effort. He had a cockiness and self-assuredness that was so attractive. Since that time, our relationship has been on-again, off-again - friends or the kind with benefits - and eventually dating for a month in November 2007 until Dec. 2007. After breaking up, we went back to being friends. He left to pursue his undergraduate degree out in Kansas in May 08 without a kiss goodbye. The problems - our relationship has changed a great deal but he is still a selfish lover in more ways than in the bedroom. He has a dependency on the women in his life that he won't admit. He expects more than he is willing to give of himself. I hadn't hear from in a year since he left for school, and he called me last night.....

Everyone needs a little bit of bad boy in their life and Cali was mine. Rarely could I tell all the truth from the lies so its hard to tell you our story. We met randomly in 2005 while I was visiting a friend at his job at the mall. Since then its been a dramatic, emotional, on-again-off-again, tumultuous chaos. But noone has ever made me feel as cherished and loved as he. He always knew the real me and loved every part of just who I was. His love was addictive cuz you could look in his eyes and see noone else but you, feel his love in his voice with his arms wrapped around you (even if you were really one of two.) Too many problems in the relationship to recount but we parted ways for the last time in February of this year. My phone rang this morning as I was walking out of my door.....

My motto is they are exes for a reason.(or multiples reasons sometimes lol) So what to do? I think the real problem is I think I can be friends with everyone or my exes in particular. Like with the instance of Eyes, I could never see myself not talking to him again - we are friends. How to keep it from developing into something more? How to keep them all on the back burner cuz I don't really want any of them in particular, except Muscles maybe - he really is sweet. Somebody grab me an umbrella, a poncho, and a rescue boat cuz it looks like its getting ready to storm.